Just Because I Love "Bed and Board"

"What can be said of [mothers] is that while they do fulfill their functions, they are increasingly 

tempted to do so for the wrong reason.  They are led, subtly but surely, to look on the mothering they 

do as a mere necessity - even a penance - and they live as if they were reserving their real enthusiasm for something else, usually unspecified.   They list themselves apologetically as "only a mother"; and they accumulate endless labor-saving devices, in order to conserve themselves for some other or better role than motherhood.  The labor-saving devices, of course, are a trap.  More often than not,  they simply make more work; and what time they do save is usually devoured by the car and the TV.   But occasionally the other role does materialize.  

Women go to work: sometimes simply to find fulfillment, sometimes on the basis of necessity:

but often only to get more money to buy more devices to spare themselves for more work.  

Yet in few cases do they work at anything worth saving themselves for.  They plow through their motherly functions every day - most of them do fabulously well; they area remarkable breed - 

but then they escape for fulfillment to some bit of ten-to-four clerking or six-to-twelve piecework 

that is less fulfilling than making instant chocolate pudding.  The really dreadful part of it all the wear and tear; for by definition, and by choice, they are not substituting one function for another, but acting two roles on the strength of only one small heart.  It's beginning to sound like one of the usual pleas to send women back to Kinder, Kuche, and Kirche.   But not quite.  There is a principle.

A man playing "Life with Father" at his own table is ludicrous: a woman kneading bread is still lovely.  In the case of motherhood there is a great deal to be said for trying on the old hats first.  

They might look funny, and it's a woman's right not to wear them; but she should at least try them on - and work them over for a while.  A few snips here and a bit of ribbon there, and some of them can be as stunning as ever.

Don't burn the kneading trough yet... remember you are a landmark.  You are and remain the bodily link with our origin.  You are the oldest thing in the world; don't be in a hurry to forget any of your history.

You are not only a link with something.  You are the thing itself; and you are the sacrament, the instrument, by which we learn to love the things that are.  Your body is the first object any child of man ever wanted.  Therefore dispose yourself to be loved, to be wanted, to be available.  Be there for them with a vengeance. Be a gracious, bending woman. 

Incline your ear, your heart, your hands to them. Be found warm and comfortable, and disposed
to affection. Be ready to be done by and to welcome their casual effusions with something better than preoccupation and indifference.   It isn't a matter of how much time; only how much intensity."

From Bed and Board, by Robert Farrar Capon